GroshLink

As Parenting Out of Control (Serena Golden, Inside Higher Ed, 6/3/2010) evidences, conversation about 'helicopter parenting' is now 'out in the open.'

A few days ago on Facebook, I pointed out that I don't agree with placing the burden of its rise on social class. Let's be sure to include a complex set of factors such as:

1. the campus rejection of 'in loco parentis'
2. lower faculty involvement/mentoring of students, which placed more of a burden on student life and parents
3. responsibility being pushed by society to an older age
   • Thank-you to my friend who shared, "I think that some of it also has to do with the fear of failure from parents' perspective, and the lack of failure from the kids' perspective. I found the only comment to this book revealing on that note. Many of the kids I teach in the first few years at the U. have never failed at anything in their lives... Or never really had to work hard to succeed... I attribute that to both parents and schooling... So these kids don't really understand the consequences of failure, lack of effort, what it really means to "do your best"...  However, I think failing at something, or knowing the consequences of one's (in)actions, is a terribly important lesson. Too bad some of these "kids" only learn this lesson at age 20."  Note:  More comments have now been posted, it's ironic that one of the comments has a faculty confession of trying to help their kids with assignments in order to help them graduate.  What does this have to say about the passion for learning in that household?
4. historic differences between residential/commuter perspective
5. the increasing ability to communicate:  from mail/personal visits to phone to cell phones, email, texting
6. And now as I come to think about it, a growing relationship between parents and children.  
   • In and of itself, this can't be viewed as all bad. Maybe we're developing a new form of apprenticeship.  Hmm. ... maybe I should revise some of my thoughts at College For All? Experts Say Not Necessarily. 
   • Teaser:  Nathan Foster and I talk about this over the course of our interviews, in particular how the Leave it Beaver Dad focused on earning money/success for the advance of the family but wasn't present for his children.  Maybe the Helicopter Parent to some degree is an overcompensation for the experience of parenting by some who are parents today.  Although we can critique this situation, there were some contexts in which it was necessary for the dad (and at times the mom) to work with abandon to enable the family to put food on the table.

I'll have to look at the book to see what material would be helpful to incorporate into Next Steps, my seminar on the transition from high school to college for parents, students, youth ministers.* I think that more parents should be concerned about and invest in the preparation for the transitions from an early age. As I've been telling my twins (who are 10), they're almost adults. It may be awkward, but they're already setting patterns and making big decisions in how their identity in Christ works out in daily life, in the coming years that will most probably include college. We pray for God's leading every day.  Maybe in a few years my college ministry will extend from children's ministry through dying well [Note:  currently reading The Art of Dying: Living Fully into the Life to Come (Rob Moll, InterVarsity Press, 2010) for my work at PSU-Hershey Medical Center's Christian Medical Society (CDMA)].

*If your local congregation or youth ministry is interested, let me know.